The hundred-dollar journal
When I was a kid, maybe eight or nine, I went to the school's book fair and I bought my first journal. It was hardcover and the design was a bunch of hundred dollar bills. Very mid-90's kid coded.
I've always been a creator, but most of my creation lived within my head. Not for any one reason outside of a lack of means to create. When it was time for school projects in elementary school, I was very extra. My ideas were always grand, and many times failed. But the idea to create something great was never foreign to me.
With such creative spirit, it's ironic that I decided to settle into a field so bound by logic and deterministic views. Whether that's my academic home of integrative physiology or my practical home of strength and conditioning (that is, integrative physiology), I spend my days working on problems, talking with athletes and individuals, and thinking of questions that have a known or to-be-known outcome that is mostly predictable.
The body is an integrated system that adapts predictably to stress.
- Dr. Skutnik's KIN 324 course theme
That's not to say there is no level of creation within my field. My creative outlet is either research design for academia or program design for athletica and I enjoy it. But if I were being honest, as honest as hindsight allows, I would've much rather pursued more formal training in the classics or in philosophy. There is plenty of thought provocation that happens in my current field, but I would much rather get lost contemplating the foundations of my existence or, better yet, exploring an existence of some fictional character in their all too distant world. But there are bills that need paid.
So here we are, rather than a formal pursuit of fancy I am elevating my amateur creator status by revisiting the passions of my eight year old self. And in the big '26, hardcover Benjamin laden books are out while the digital world is in. If it's not online, it doesn't exist and if it doesn't exist then, definitionally, it hasn't been created. So this site will serve as a repository for all my amateur efforts (and maybe some professional ones). A central hub of creation to try and bring some order to a disordered approach. Not disordered in the unhealthy way, but definitely disorded in the lack of any sort of organization.
As I'm writing this I am wondering if this is just performative. Am I really wanting to create or am I wanting people to think that I want to create? I guess time will tell, but this will be the sixth attempt at a blog of sorts. Add that to the three podcasts I've started (two now defunct), four Instagram pages I've held (two now defunct), two YouTube channels I've created (you guessed it, both defunct)...I've decided that within me there is a need to create and I should start to match that need with an obligation to produce.
Much like Alice during her Adventures in Wonderland, I don't much care where this goes. Unlike Alice I'm not too concerned with this taking me anywhere. But I'm about halfway through this life and all I have (in addition to my wife, kids, dog, job, and a bunch of junk) are my thoughts. And of all the things I have, those are the easiest to share. So here I am, standing on the digital street corner with my cardboard sign yelling at all those within earshot. Maybe my ramblings will be interesting enough to get some folks to stop and listen. At the very least, I will be creating.
This is free to read. If you'd like to help cover the costs of the site and the apps, there's a tip jar.
